We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
