There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
