Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
