YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
