I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
