tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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