Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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