Im at strip club and am horny
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
