3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
