he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
