I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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