Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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