Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
This house was built for laser tag.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
