I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
