Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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