If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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