I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
