if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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