I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
