You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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