i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
