I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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