16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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