Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
