Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
