its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Hippo gnu deer
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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