to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
