Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
