you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
