Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
