Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Enjoy the penises
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
