he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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