Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
