Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
