Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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