So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
