I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
