Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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