nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Duck Duck Cougar?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
