D3 body, D1 cock
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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