I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
