just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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