im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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