How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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