You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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