I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
