You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
