He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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