Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
