Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
