She is in my trunk
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
