So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
BRING THE BAGELS
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
